May 2012
17 posts
dauðalogn.
girl, none is able to replace you in my world.
the ads lesson.
take life like a written creative brief. crack it. think solution. and have a good sleep at night.
“…i fly like paper, get high like...
at times.
i miss sitting in a coffee shop with her, drinking tea or chocolates, mocking her nails, looking at her and how far we became.
i still think of her when i’m sipping my drink alone. i miss days on the road to the north, under the rain, rolling my rollies with her by my side.
just before i close the book.
“…all the islands in the ocean, all the heaven’s in the motion, oh...”
– Depeche Mode
phantom.
it wasn’t an easy call. i didn’t even know what to say - to comprehend, to bear, or to reply on that statement. i should have never answered that. because all that i have in my head now is just a micro plan on how do i make a right turn, so i won’t get lost in such selfish decision. i gotta safe myself. i gotta take a good ride. i gotta navigate myself closer to that midnight...
tiresome.
and all i need right now is just your call.
the last man mayhem.
“…if one day i finally disappear completely, remember that i will always love you.”
just another note to self.
no matter how fucked up i feel about what had happened, Letterplatters would still run and fuckin’ rock my year. it has to run, it has to run with better intentions. i just have to believe it once again, alone. not with just anybody.
the wall should be painted, the letters have to be up, the light has to on soon. and i won’t let anybody simply stream over me just like that. i need to...
currently.
i’m looking forward to clean up these mess. this burden has to end soon so i can go back designing with a clean mind.
i almost lost my baby. and i can’t imagine anything worst to happen later on. never, never really trust anyone, that should have been lesson number one.
April 2012
11 posts
kerinduan kecil.
“…saling, saling tindih menindih, kerap kali mendidih hingga mencapai perih. lalu dibaluti luka, luka yang penuh duka, sudah terasa sudah terlalu menghiasi. rintihan selalu terdengar menggebu, yang terasa pilu dan membuat sendu.”
sebuah petikan lirik Merintih Perih oleh Sore.
ada kerinduan kecil di benak ini untuk menulis kembali. kembali menulis barisan kata yang entah irama...
SBY.
satu kata saja.
BANGSAT.
penyesalan atas hak suara yang tersia-siakan di pemilihan umum 2009.
what the fuck was in my head back then?
pathetically happy.
i remember i was walking at your back, whistling the heart out.
you thought i was happy.
you were wrong.
but yes of course i was happy too.
to cover is to survive, to survive is to embrace.
i remember i just want to walk at your back again.
singing my heart out.
catatan hari ini.
sekali melangkah, bismillah. niat yang baik, pikiran yang tulus juga kemauan yang kuat. semoga berujung baik-baik saja dan tidak membawa mudharat bagi diri sendiri dan orang lain.
dari sekian banyak ilmu...
ya Rabb, ajari lagi aku tentang sabar dan ikhlas.
6.47 pm.
missing you is something.
expiry date.
i am not for everybody. so do you. that was a thought shared at dinner just now.
i pull myself out from the crowd, the familiar crowd. everything else are still there, not moving, and all that i could feel is only me getting far and blended with the concrete piece behind me. i am trapped inside the wall, being a blank wall itself - pointed at, shouted at. i can see your pretentious gesture, i can...
March 2012
13 posts
major heart detox.
it’s been good few days of seeing her intense crying. and everytime i look at her, i can see her eye line shape more sharp relieves.
at (the very) least.
at least i live with guts to stand corrected and fix things out. i am responsible for my own happiness. we all do.
monolog randu.
“…salah-salah kata, bisa salah semua. jangan pernah bicara sembarangan tentang apa yang aku lakukan. rutinitas siang malam. kepala yang terbagi sana-sini. waktu yang tidak lagi cukup 24 jam. kamu yang berlari-lari disetiap celah pembuluh darah. kerja keras dan tanggung jawab adalah bagian yang tidak perlu disebut. bahkan kalau harus bercerita panjang lebar tentang kesibukan, kesibukan...
an old draft.
when you are put in a place where being mediocre is fine, you could opt not to agree with that. most of people choose to feel okay being so-so, so let them be. determine the word ‘okay’ out of yourself. set your step and walk down your path. it isn’t faith till you make it happen. so use up all those free wills you have.
be a superior one, be known for what you’ve done....
“…but only love can break your heart. try to be sure right from the start....”
– Neil Young
resonansi rindu.
kesedihan itu memuncak ketika titik temu itu buyar, dan perasaanmu hanya dianggap semak belukar - dipangkas tegas, tak lagi berbekas. dia yang terbangun di pagi hari tanpa perlu merasa dicintai. setumpuk harapan dipatahkan ruang, rasa sayang hanyalah endapan emosi tak bertuan, kekecewaan meluas hingga hampir tak lagi ada yang dapat dibahas. aku, kau dan cerita ini tidak berhenti disini. aku, kau...
“Gue pilih pejabat yang percaya sama UFO aja deh. Abis yang katanya percaya sama...”
– Joko Anwar
khadaumi.
“gapapa, jauh sekarang tapi nanti kalau deket, kita deket buat selamanya.”
orang kalau ga tau kamu kayak apa aslinya pasti ga nyangka juga kata-kata begitu bisa keluar dari seseorang-seperti-kamu. ya, sejenis kamu yang gengsinya over itu :)
a can a day.
i got another brand to handle, Nescafe. coffee and a glimpse of good days i had with her.
she was never skipped a day without it.
midnight monologue.
it’s 00.00, midnight supper. it’s been unusual weekend: trapped in between deadlines and assignments without really get them done. i’ve wasted 14 hours sitting in front of this computer, browsing unreal world and letting this mind wander all around. for such long hours, i wasn’t focus. i was not here, i was somewhere else. and everything just got back to normal an hour ago,...
every-single-day.
nothing more comforting than your late night calls. and the same spectrum of connection we’re into.
love, quote unquote, does it better.
February 2012
14 posts
just a thought.
the next thing i want to hear after “you could be a great CD” is “you could be a great (anything you want yourself to be).”
i am in love with everything at the moment. and thanks to you who has invested more than i ever asked for. alhamdulillah.
cardboard of happiness.
ditemani obrolan bersama Citra, kopi itu cukup menghangatkan di minggu pagi. setelah hampir 4 (empat) tahun gw ga ketemu teman kecil gw yang satu ini, gw akhirnya ketemu lagi sama dia tadi.
bukan Citra namanya kalau bukan tanpa kejutan. ya, dia lebih tepat dikatakan menagih janji gw satu dekade yang lalu: mendesain undangan kawinnya. yeap, this extraordinary odd slash crazy girl i’ve known...
signed, sealed, delivered.
it’s more than 500 days my dear, and we can exactly count how many mix cds made and sent through postage to reach you. it’s already the #12 where the song get personal, get too engaging that i think i better stop talking and just sneaking over lyrics to get through you. and it feels alright all these while. we do now stop talking and listening more to each other. i am more like reading...
c'mere.
“…the trouble is that you’re in love with someone else… it should be me.”
this song aligned with this stranger’s facial expression. i guess ipod shuffle is humanized at some ways.
04.33 am.
kenapa harus saling nyakitin perasaan masing-masing, kalau kita tau kita bisa jadi obat bagi satu sama lain?
lepasin ego yang kurang perlu, tinggalin patokan-patokan fikir yang memaku, jalanin aja apa yang hati mau.
catatan kota (lagi).
kadang ingin aku tinju mukaku sendiri dengan kepalan tangan seperti milik supir batak yang dengan kerasnya menghantam kap angkot sebelum akhirnya dia menarik leher supir tak berdaya itu dan membenturkannya pada ujung jendela yang penuh karat.
kadang ingin juga aku melesat diantara amukan kawanan sindikat yang membawa pisau kecil di selipan tangan setelah dinyanyikannya sepatah lagu yang tidak...